That ticking time bomb called a "biological clock" is something that I seem to get reminded of more and more the older I get. "When are you finally going to have kids?"...."You know you're running out of time!"...."Better get a move on before it's too late, and you have to resort to 'drastic measures'." And the funny thing is that most of these statements come from other women and not the men in our lives who would obviously be the ones directly responsible for the production of such a life-changing decision! Words like 'in-vitro', 'fertility drugs', 'diapers', etc. roll off the tongues of many a woman as she desperately clings to the hope that one day she will be able to offer up the words, "I'm pregnant" to all her friends and family. However, I am not one of those women. Even at a young age, I never really got excited about the prospect of having kids. I wondered if I would as I got older, but even now at 33, parenting still feels like the most unnatural thing in the world to me. Now I know this may come as a shock to all the women out there that feel that their kids are the "end all be all of their entire world", but hear me out on this. To add some humor to this and help my "haters" out there to chill out a little bit, in the spirit of David Letterman, I have decided to devise a top-ten list called, "Top Ten Reasons Why I Don't Mind Being Childless". So here goes........
10. THE FINANCIAL COST IS OVERWHELMING TO ME....I think we can all agree that kids are expensive. I want to vomit at the thought of what college will cost for today's babies 20 years from now when the average yearly tuition is something like 30 or 40,000 dollars a year NOW. And frankly I don't see a lot of job security happening in our shotty job market right now. Why would you have kids if you can't afford to feed them or put clothing on their backs? For the tax breaks? I see a lot of people today losing their jobs and homes, but they're willing to pop another kid out somehow hoping that everything will be okay. Not worth it to me. To take care of your children, you have to already be in a position to take care of yourself....period.
9. LACK OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM....As much as we women are expected to be able to "do everything and do it perfectly", it's hard as hell to raise a baby alone. I've witnessed it firsthand. Women are not given the same opportunities in the corporate world because it is the assumption that they will eventually be taking a leave of absence at some point to raise a kid. Sad, but true. Where did the days of paid maternity leave go? Not to mention the family structure has majorly veered off from the traditional path nowadays and each family member has their own lives to deal with. Why would they spend their precious time helping you with yours when you're halfway across the country? Just not the same today.
8. I SEE HOW OTHER PEOPLES' KIDS ACT...Everyone has their own views on how to raise their children. By all means, to each his own, but sometimes other peoples' kids make me thankful that I don't have any. And I think you've all had experiences where you know what I mean. And the funny thing is that people always carry the notion with them of, "Well, my kids are 'different'!" Alrighty...whatever you say.
7. I HAVE LIMITED PATIENCE...Having children requires a patient spirit, which I am lacking. I don't have patience for temper tantrums and crying spells, whining or moaning. And the fact that I would expect a child to be perfect all the time is probably a good reason why I shouldn't have one. Which leads me to #6...
6. KIDS GROW UP...What do I mean by this, you ask? Lets put it this way...I love babies! (Babies being the key word there.) Babies are cute, they don't talk back, and they sleep alot. Perfect! When they start being able to form an opinion and tell you that you are the most wretched thing on the planet and that you should cease to exist (a.k.a. anything older than the age of 2) I think it's safe to say I would probably not want to deal with that for 16-18 years. Dogs and cats I can handle...they don't talk back and they do whatever you tell them to. Sounds good to me! :)
5. I CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME...This one relates a little to #9 and 10 in a way. I am not the greatest multi-tasker. It's hard enough for me to keep my marriage running smoothly, let alone try to be completely responsible for another human life as well. I've seen too many marriages break up over this because women have a tendency to put 100% of their focuses into their children. Remember, you have a husband too! Which leads to #4.....
4. I HAVE TO HAVE BALANCE IN MY LIFE...In case you haven't noticed, I'm not one of those women that believes we can "do it all". I'm definitely someone that HAS to have balance in their life. If I don't I go bonkers and start taking it out on everyone around me. I am a very sensitive person which means I am hyper-aware of surrounding people, stressors, negativity of others, etc. I know many women who get so overwhelmed with just 'trying to make it through the day'. I don't want my life to be like that.
3. I ALREADY HAVE 2 STEPSONS....I consider myself extremely lucky to have married a husband that has already "been there done that" with the whole marriage and kids thing. He doesn't pressure me to have one of our own and he really doesn't want to be one of those 60-year-old fathers that is going to their kids' graduation. And speaking as someone from the outside, Joel did a wonderful job of bringing up his boys. They are well behaved and respectful of other people. And the best part is that I feel like I (kind of)have two kids already...but I didn't even have to give birth to them! Best part! :)
2. FREEDOM...I have to say, it's pretty awesome to have a life where you don't have to repeatedly be hunting down a babysitter anytime you want to go somewhere or do something. I would feel like I'm locked in chains otherwise. I can travel the world if I want, go out to dinner if I want, you get the idea. Sorry, but the freedoms outweigh the other side of it for me.
And finally...#1. THE KIDS THAT LIVE IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING..... 'Nuff said.
There you have it. Don't get me wrong. If I am ever in a situation where I am financially and psychologically able to do the kid thing then I am open to at least CONSIDER it. But if I haven't had them by now, I'm starting to not see the point in it anyway. I'm not one of those women that can have a kid out of regret. Wrong reason for anyone to do it. After reading this list, I hope all of you have a better understanding of me and why I chose the "other side" of life. And I hope the questions about kids will be finished for it doesn't make me a bad person for not having them. And by the way...if you can't find at least SOME humor or open-mindedness in this list...then I hope your kids haven't taken away your ability to laugh! With love, peace, and balance...----Amy :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
A "New" Athlete
Oh, the life of a recovering injured person. Days of sometimes killer isolation, spent in rigorous physical therapy, with not much time for anything else. These are my days as of late. I am now pushing almost 3 weeks since my knee surgery, almost to the halfway point of life in my knee brace! Since I have to keep my leg straight while in the brace, this tends to present a lot of different dilemmas that many of us don't realize that we take for granted. Have you ever tried to go to the bathroom while having to keep your leg straight and elevated? Don't be surprised if you "have an accident" or two. I know...too much info...but it happens! :-) Also, trying to get yourself in and out of a car with a straight leg is quite a chore-and-a-half as well. Is there anyone out there that keeps their legs straight while on a leisurely drive to your destination? I didn't think so.
Aside from all of these new and sometimes daunting tasks that make up my day, I am beginning to embrace my new life as what I call a "normal person." (Marathon runners are crazy people...they're not normal. LOL!) After all that's happened to me, I still consider myself an athlete at heart, but I have begun to realize that the challenges I am now dealing with have forced me to stare into the face of a different path. When you have been as athletic and active as I have been most of my life, you tend to get pigeon-holed into a corner. It is a natural human tendency to place labels on people and to say that the "label" is who they are as a person, when in reality, that label has more in common with WHAT THEY DO. I guess the best example I can come up with at the moment would be Tiger Woods. Tiger is obviously known best for being one of the greatest golfers of all time. When an athlete gets to that level of play, they become superhuman in our eyes. They can do no wrong while we elevate them to a perfect, godly level, all the while telling our kids to idolize them as role models. Then the nation saw as Tiger's personal life unraveled in the media circus that it became. All of a sudden America was hit with the harsh reality that Tiger wasn't that perfect idol...that perfect golfer that we all knew. He was (dare we think it?)....human. We had pigeonholed him into that group of superhuman professional athletes that were somehow ABOVE the rest of us "common folk."
I say all that to say this...
All of my life people have pretty much known me as "the athlete," or "the runner," or (from the high school days) "that buff chick." I got the feeling that most people really didn't take much time to think outside the "athlete" box, so to speak. When I got injured after all the work that I had put in to get to the Boston Marathon, I got a lot of sympathy and pity looks, as well as questions of what I would now do with all my new-found "non-running" time! This would give me a good laugh. :-) Not many people knew this, but I never really LOVED running. Many people have a love/hate relationship when it comes to running. I LOVED racing, but I really didn't like all the training that had to precede it. I have mainly ran all these years for the simple reason that it is a great workout. Running and racing have a way of challenging you and testing your discipline on a higher plane, and there are not a lot of workouts that can say the same. I reached nearly every goal that I set for myself both in my marathoning and other athletic endeavors, and I can sleep well at night knowing that. When I started to tell people all of this, I realized it was beyond their comprehension. They couldn't fathom how someone could do something consistently for 20+ years that DIDN'T give them complete pleasure. All I can say is that sometimes you have to endure the hard stuff with the good stuff if you want to enjoy success at the "next level" of something.
As much as we would all like it to, success doesn't always come with an easy path.
In a way, the injuries I have faced have been good for me. See people have a tendency to pigeonhole themselves sometimes too. During my times of recovery and solitude I have learned who I am "beyond the athlete." I have found new interests, new talents that I realized were buried under my athletic build, like a flower budding its way out of the dirt in the new hope of springtime. And I am realizing that I can still be athletic when this injury is done with...just in a different way now. I am now entering a different phase of life. A period, like the springtime, that will shed new light on other kinds of success stories that I will be able to look back on and celebrate. That I can be thankful for.
Aside from all of these new and sometimes daunting tasks that make up my day, I am beginning to embrace my new life as what I call a "normal person." (Marathon runners are crazy people...they're not normal. LOL!) After all that's happened to me, I still consider myself an athlete at heart, but I have begun to realize that the challenges I am now dealing with have forced me to stare into the face of a different path. When you have been as athletic and active as I have been most of my life, you tend to get pigeon-holed into a corner. It is a natural human tendency to place labels on people and to say that the "label" is who they are as a person, when in reality, that label has more in common with WHAT THEY DO. I guess the best example I can come up with at the moment would be Tiger Woods. Tiger is obviously known best for being one of the greatest golfers of all time. When an athlete gets to that level of play, they become superhuman in our eyes. They can do no wrong while we elevate them to a perfect, godly level, all the while telling our kids to idolize them as role models. Then the nation saw as Tiger's personal life unraveled in the media circus that it became. All of a sudden America was hit with the harsh reality that Tiger wasn't that perfect idol...that perfect golfer that we all knew. He was (dare we think it?)....human. We had pigeonholed him into that group of superhuman professional athletes that were somehow ABOVE the rest of us "common folk."
I say all that to say this...
All of my life people have pretty much known me as "the athlete," or "the runner," or (from the high school days) "that buff chick." I got the feeling that most people really didn't take much time to think outside the "athlete" box, so to speak. When I got injured after all the work that I had put in to get to the Boston Marathon, I got a lot of sympathy and pity looks, as well as questions of what I would now do with all my new-found "non-running" time! This would give me a good laugh. :-) Not many people knew this, but I never really LOVED running. Many people have a love/hate relationship when it comes to running. I LOVED racing, but I really didn't like all the training that had to precede it. I have mainly ran all these years for the simple reason that it is a great workout. Running and racing have a way of challenging you and testing your discipline on a higher plane, and there are not a lot of workouts that can say the same. I reached nearly every goal that I set for myself both in my marathoning and other athletic endeavors, and I can sleep well at night knowing that. When I started to tell people all of this, I realized it was beyond their comprehension. They couldn't fathom how someone could do something consistently for 20+ years that DIDN'T give them complete pleasure. All I can say is that sometimes you have to endure the hard stuff with the good stuff if you want to enjoy success at the "next level" of something.
As much as we would all like it to, success doesn't always come with an easy path.
In a way, the injuries I have faced have been good for me. See people have a tendency to pigeonhole themselves sometimes too. During my times of recovery and solitude I have learned who I am "beyond the athlete." I have found new interests, new talents that I realized were buried under my athletic build, like a flower budding its way out of the dirt in the new hope of springtime. And I am realizing that I can still be athletic when this injury is done with...just in a different way now. I am now entering a different phase of life. A period, like the springtime, that will shed new light on other kinds of success stories that I will be able to look back on and celebrate. That I can be thankful for.
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