Next to being outside under a sun-kissed sky reading a book, I would have to say that my next favorite place to be is at a restaurant! Joel and I try to have a "date night" once a week which frequently involves going out to eat somewhere. I really hope restaurants are NOT the next thing in my lifetime to be taken over by computers (like everything else!). I truly think restaurants have not gone "out of style" yet because of the atmosphere that they are constantly promoting. We live in a truly disconnected world nowadays because technology has taken away the precious face-to-face contact that we humans subconsciously crave. Many may disagree on the disconnectedness because of Facebook, Twitter, and texting, but you just can't get that deep and true connection with something as "only on the surface" as Facebook. A restaurant is set up in a way to give us back what we are missing!
As someone who frequently used to work in restaurants only a short time ago, it's amazing to me how much our society has changed in their viewpoints of proper restaurant etiquette! We now live in a world where trying to get the most bang for your buck and stretching every last dollar has become the trend. I have now seen many people go into restaurants and try to haggle their way into getting discounts or getting something for free like they are in a retail store or something. We Americans always want our cake and the attention of every onlooker to watch us eat it too!
I've devised a restaurant etiquette list for you in order to save your cheap soul from degrading yet another restaurant worker...
1. Always tip your waiter EVEN WITH BAD SERVICE! On a typical restaurant visit, I will generally tip around 20% of the total bill. Now if the service was beyond terrible, I will still give them at least 15% because I know from experience that regardless of what happens they are there to MAKE A LIVING. Typically a server has to give about 3% of their earnings to a busser, hostess, and bartender. That doesn't leave them with much if they work at an inexpensive dinner location. The funny thing is, most of the time if something goes wrong it's usually NOT the servers' fault. They are just in the unfortunate position of the customer choosing to "kill the messenger." Think about this...does your boss at your cushy corporate office cut your pay in half when you do something a customer doesn't like? Not usually. If you ever think that you are above tipping at a restaurant because of some sort of sense of entitlement, then you need to step yourself right out the door and not go in. If you can't afford a tip, then you can't afford the food. Karma, anyone?
2. Take your kids outside the restaurant to punish them when they misbehave. Even though most people don't say anything, I guarantee you, nobody wants to witness Junior get in trouble for crying hysterically or gettin' jiggy with it in the lane where all the servers and patrons are trying to move through. Your kids are fun at home. If they aren't physically or emotionally capable of behaving in a restaurant then mommy and daddy should probably go without them until they're old enough to handle being with the family in public.
3. Don't haggle with the server or the manager. Surprisingly enough, given the day and age we live in now, the number of people that still do this is small. About 1% or so. But as a former server, they can really make your day a living hell. Haggling in a retail store is normal, because they are in constant price wars with other stores, but when you do it in a restaurant...it makes you look really bad...and cheap. You may be really baffled that you just paid 8 or 9 bucks for your burger, but that 9 dollars gets dispersed into many different areas of the restaurant (servers, cooks, building, etc). I know most of you are similar in importance to the President of the United States, but you are not entitled to everything for free just to prove a point to someone or unleash your entitlement wrath on your server or the establishment.
This list is short, but distinguished in the simple reality that this is ALL you need to know when going into a restaurant establishment. Simple as that. The restaurant and its servers will show love to those that show them the love. In a nutshell, if you want the star treatment...treat them like they're stars! I PROMISE you, they will break their backs trying to please you. Unless you like the taste of saliva in your food. In that case, disregard this post. Enjoy your next meal!-----Amy :)
Friday, June 17, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
My Mother
Hard to believe it's already been my second Mother's Day without a mom! Now, being motherless, Mother's Day is more of an annoyance than anything else. Between all the sappy Mother's Day commercials on TV, and the countless articles in the media, I sometimes wish I could just zip through to Monday! People who still have their mom's just don't understand. Haha!
My mother was an amazing woman, but not for the reasons that the outsider's naked eye would be able to see. If you were looking at her from an external standpoint, she was a well-known control freak, a perfectionist, and sometimes an overbearingly loud woman! Because of these things, we often butted heads. She and I had quite the love/hate relationship for a long time. That tends to happen when you put two strong-minded women together in the same room or house. We constantly fought because of her need to control my every move and thought, and it wasn't until later in my life that I understood her need for so much control over everything.
My mom came from a very controlling, strict household. Her father was an alcoholic who favored her brother trememdously. Her father would constantly tell her she wasn't good enough at anything and compared her to her brother all the time. She carried this resentment toward him into adulthood, and I never really got the impression that she moved past that. Grudges became the norm in our household, rather than forgiveness.
I too had resentment towards my mother for a long time, quite similar to the generation of my family before me, however I knew I had to be the one to break the cycle. My mom was very set in her ways and I didn't see it happening with her.
Soon later, my mom's days would be numbered during her bout with leukemia. Luckily, we had made our peace with each other about 4-5 years before this, and I had decided to stop trying to change her into something that she wasn't. Forgiveness was in order. During her days in the hospital, I realized that it wasn't in her nature to be the nurturing mother-type that I always wanted. She was born a fighter, grew up a fighter, and ended her life as a fighter. She always had to be the "strong one". When I was little she had to be the father and the mother to me on many occasions. This couldn't have been an easy task for any woman. Once my mom and I stopped trying to change each other, we were able to cohabitate as friends and confidantes.
Now, as I look back on the relatively short time I had with her, I can look back and be proud. Even though it was hard for her to show me her love in the nurturing way I wished she would, I know that deep down the love was there. Sometimes we just have to accept that, for some people, their love for you gets held under the blanket of their own fears. Fears of vulnerability, showing weakness, etc.
I will always look back on my mom as a woman of strength, perseverance, and heart. I have learned a lot through her mistakes. I have learned the importance of letting people be who they are, and not who I think they should be. And that it's okay to cry and tell people how you feel about them....who cares if people think you are weak! TRUE strength comes with being true to who you really are, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share that with the world. Much love and respect to you, Mom! R.I.P 8/7/09
My mother was an amazing woman, but not for the reasons that the outsider's naked eye would be able to see. If you were looking at her from an external standpoint, she was a well-known control freak, a perfectionist, and sometimes an overbearingly loud woman! Because of these things, we often butted heads. She and I had quite the love/hate relationship for a long time. That tends to happen when you put two strong-minded women together in the same room or house. We constantly fought because of her need to control my every move and thought, and it wasn't until later in my life that I understood her need for so much control over everything.
My mom came from a very controlling, strict household. Her father was an alcoholic who favored her brother trememdously. Her father would constantly tell her she wasn't good enough at anything and compared her to her brother all the time. She carried this resentment toward him into adulthood, and I never really got the impression that she moved past that. Grudges became the norm in our household, rather than forgiveness.
I too had resentment towards my mother for a long time, quite similar to the generation of my family before me, however I knew I had to be the one to break the cycle. My mom was very set in her ways and I didn't see it happening with her.
Soon later, my mom's days would be numbered during her bout with leukemia. Luckily, we had made our peace with each other about 4-5 years before this, and I had decided to stop trying to change her into something that she wasn't. Forgiveness was in order. During her days in the hospital, I realized that it wasn't in her nature to be the nurturing mother-type that I always wanted. She was born a fighter, grew up a fighter, and ended her life as a fighter. She always had to be the "strong one". When I was little she had to be the father and the mother to me on many occasions. This couldn't have been an easy task for any woman. Once my mom and I stopped trying to change each other, we were able to cohabitate as friends and confidantes.
Now, as I look back on the relatively short time I had with her, I can look back and be proud. Even though it was hard for her to show me her love in the nurturing way I wished she would, I know that deep down the love was there. Sometimes we just have to accept that, for some people, their love for you gets held under the blanket of their own fears. Fears of vulnerability, showing weakness, etc.
I will always look back on my mom as a woman of strength, perseverance, and heart. I have learned a lot through her mistakes. I have learned the importance of letting people be who they are, and not who I think they should be. And that it's okay to cry and tell people how you feel about them....who cares if people think you are weak! TRUE strength comes with being true to who you really are, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share that with the world. Much love and respect to you, Mom! R.I.P 8/7/09
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Kids..they're not for everybody. Any more questions??
That ticking time bomb called a "biological clock" is something that I seem to get reminded of more and more the older I get. "When are you finally going to have kids?"...."You know you're running out of time!"...."Better get a move on before it's too late, and you have to resort to 'drastic measures'." And the funny thing is that most of these statements come from other women and not the men in our lives who would obviously be the ones directly responsible for the production of such a life-changing decision! Words like 'in-vitro', 'fertility drugs', 'diapers', etc. roll off the tongues of many a woman as she desperately clings to the hope that one day she will be able to offer up the words, "I'm pregnant" to all her friends and family. However, I am not one of those women. Even at a young age, I never really got excited about the prospect of having kids. I wondered if I would as I got older, but even now at 33, parenting still feels like the most unnatural thing in the world to me. Now I know this may come as a shock to all the women out there that feel that their kids are the "end all be all of their entire world", but hear me out on this. To add some humor to this and help my "haters" out there to chill out a little bit, in the spirit of David Letterman, I have decided to devise a top-ten list called, "Top Ten Reasons Why I Don't Mind Being Childless". So here goes........
10. THE FINANCIAL COST IS OVERWHELMING TO ME....I think we can all agree that kids are expensive. I want to vomit at the thought of what college will cost for today's babies 20 years from now when the average yearly tuition is something like 30 or 40,000 dollars a year NOW. And frankly I don't see a lot of job security happening in our shotty job market right now. Why would you have kids if you can't afford to feed them or put clothing on their backs? For the tax breaks? I see a lot of people today losing their jobs and homes, but they're willing to pop another kid out somehow hoping that everything will be okay. Not worth it to me. To take care of your children, you have to already be in a position to take care of yourself....period.
9. LACK OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM....As much as we women are expected to be able to "do everything and do it perfectly", it's hard as hell to raise a baby alone. I've witnessed it firsthand. Women are not given the same opportunities in the corporate world because it is the assumption that they will eventually be taking a leave of absence at some point to raise a kid. Sad, but true. Where did the days of paid maternity leave go? Not to mention the family structure has majorly veered off from the traditional path nowadays and each family member has their own lives to deal with. Why would they spend their precious time helping you with yours when you're halfway across the country? Just not the same today.
8. I SEE HOW OTHER PEOPLES' KIDS ACT...Everyone has their own views on how to raise their children. By all means, to each his own, but sometimes other peoples' kids make me thankful that I don't have any. And I think you've all had experiences where you know what I mean. And the funny thing is that people always carry the notion with them of, "Well, my kids are 'different'!" Alrighty...whatever you say.
7. I HAVE LIMITED PATIENCE...Having children requires a patient spirit, which I am lacking. I don't have patience for temper tantrums and crying spells, whining or moaning. And the fact that I would expect a child to be perfect all the time is probably a good reason why I shouldn't have one. Which leads me to #6...
6. KIDS GROW UP...What do I mean by this, you ask? Lets put it this way...I love babies! (Babies being the key word there.) Babies are cute, they don't talk back, and they sleep alot. Perfect! When they start being able to form an opinion and tell you that you are the most wretched thing on the planet and that you should cease to exist (a.k.a. anything older than the age of 2) I think it's safe to say I would probably not want to deal with that for 16-18 years. Dogs and cats I can handle...they don't talk back and they do whatever you tell them to. Sounds good to me! :)
5. I CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME...This one relates a little to #9 and 10 in a way. I am not the greatest multi-tasker. It's hard enough for me to keep my marriage running smoothly, let alone try to be completely responsible for another human life as well. I've seen too many marriages break up over this because women have a tendency to put 100% of their focuses into their children. Remember, you have a husband too! Which leads to #4.....
4. I HAVE TO HAVE BALANCE IN MY LIFE...In case you haven't noticed, I'm not one of those women that believes we can "do it all". I'm definitely someone that HAS to have balance in their life. If I don't I go bonkers and start taking it out on everyone around me. I am a very sensitive person which means I am hyper-aware of surrounding people, stressors, negativity of others, etc. I know many women who get so overwhelmed with just 'trying to make it through the day'. I don't want my life to be like that.
3. I ALREADY HAVE 2 STEPSONS....I consider myself extremely lucky to have married a husband that has already "been there done that" with the whole marriage and kids thing. He doesn't pressure me to have one of our own and he really doesn't want to be one of those 60-year-old fathers that is going to their kids' graduation. And speaking as someone from the outside, Joel did a wonderful job of bringing up his boys. They are well behaved and respectful of other people. And the best part is that I feel like I (kind of)have two kids already...but I didn't even have to give birth to them! Best part! :)
2. FREEDOM...I have to say, it's pretty awesome to have a life where you don't have to repeatedly be hunting down a babysitter anytime you want to go somewhere or do something. I would feel like I'm locked in chains otherwise. I can travel the world if I want, go out to dinner if I want, you get the idea. Sorry, but the freedoms outweigh the other side of it for me.
And finally...#1. THE KIDS THAT LIVE IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING..... 'Nuff said.
There you have it. Don't get me wrong. If I am ever in a situation where I am financially and psychologically able to do the kid thing then I am open to at least CONSIDER it. But if I haven't had them by now, I'm starting to not see the point in it anyway. I'm not one of those women that can have a kid out of regret. Wrong reason for anyone to do it. After reading this list, I hope all of you have a better understanding of me and why I chose the "other side" of life. And I hope the questions about kids will be finished for it doesn't make me a bad person for not having them. And by the way...if you can't find at least SOME humor or open-mindedness in this list...then I hope your kids haven't taken away your ability to laugh! With love, peace, and balance...----Amy :)
10. THE FINANCIAL COST IS OVERWHELMING TO ME....I think we can all agree that kids are expensive. I want to vomit at the thought of what college will cost for today's babies 20 years from now when the average yearly tuition is something like 30 or 40,000 dollars a year NOW. And frankly I don't see a lot of job security happening in our shotty job market right now. Why would you have kids if you can't afford to feed them or put clothing on their backs? For the tax breaks? I see a lot of people today losing their jobs and homes, but they're willing to pop another kid out somehow hoping that everything will be okay. Not worth it to me. To take care of your children, you have to already be in a position to take care of yourself....period.
9. LACK OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM....As much as we women are expected to be able to "do everything and do it perfectly", it's hard as hell to raise a baby alone. I've witnessed it firsthand. Women are not given the same opportunities in the corporate world because it is the assumption that they will eventually be taking a leave of absence at some point to raise a kid. Sad, but true. Where did the days of paid maternity leave go? Not to mention the family structure has majorly veered off from the traditional path nowadays and each family member has their own lives to deal with. Why would they spend their precious time helping you with yours when you're halfway across the country? Just not the same today.
8. I SEE HOW OTHER PEOPLES' KIDS ACT...Everyone has their own views on how to raise their children. By all means, to each his own, but sometimes other peoples' kids make me thankful that I don't have any. And I think you've all had experiences where you know what I mean. And the funny thing is that people always carry the notion with them of, "Well, my kids are 'different'!" Alrighty...whatever you say.
7. I HAVE LIMITED PATIENCE...Having children requires a patient spirit, which I am lacking. I don't have patience for temper tantrums and crying spells, whining or moaning. And the fact that I would expect a child to be perfect all the time is probably a good reason why I shouldn't have one. Which leads me to #6...
6. KIDS GROW UP...What do I mean by this, you ask? Lets put it this way...I love babies! (Babies being the key word there.) Babies are cute, they don't talk back, and they sleep alot. Perfect! When they start being able to form an opinion and tell you that you are the most wretched thing on the planet and that you should cease to exist (a.k.a. anything older than the age of 2) I think it's safe to say I would probably not want to deal with that for 16-18 years. Dogs and cats I can handle...they don't talk back and they do whatever you tell them to. Sounds good to me! :)
5. I CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME...This one relates a little to #9 and 10 in a way. I am not the greatest multi-tasker. It's hard enough for me to keep my marriage running smoothly, let alone try to be completely responsible for another human life as well. I've seen too many marriages break up over this because women have a tendency to put 100% of their focuses into their children. Remember, you have a husband too! Which leads to #4.....
4. I HAVE TO HAVE BALANCE IN MY LIFE...In case you haven't noticed, I'm not one of those women that believes we can "do it all". I'm definitely someone that HAS to have balance in their life. If I don't I go bonkers and start taking it out on everyone around me. I am a very sensitive person which means I am hyper-aware of surrounding people, stressors, negativity of others, etc. I know many women who get so overwhelmed with just 'trying to make it through the day'. I don't want my life to be like that.
3. I ALREADY HAVE 2 STEPSONS....I consider myself extremely lucky to have married a husband that has already "been there done that" with the whole marriage and kids thing. He doesn't pressure me to have one of our own and he really doesn't want to be one of those 60-year-old fathers that is going to their kids' graduation. And speaking as someone from the outside, Joel did a wonderful job of bringing up his boys. They are well behaved and respectful of other people. And the best part is that I feel like I (kind of)have two kids already...but I didn't even have to give birth to them! Best part! :)
2. FREEDOM...I have to say, it's pretty awesome to have a life where you don't have to repeatedly be hunting down a babysitter anytime you want to go somewhere or do something. I would feel like I'm locked in chains otherwise. I can travel the world if I want, go out to dinner if I want, you get the idea. Sorry, but the freedoms outweigh the other side of it for me.
And finally...#1. THE KIDS THAT LIVE IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING..... 'Nuff said.
There you have it. Don't get me wrong. If I am ever in a situation where I am financially and psychologically able to do the kid thing then I am open to at least CONSIDER it. But if I haven't had them by now, I'm starting to not see the point in it anyway. I'm not one of those women that can have a kid out of regret. Wrong reason for anyone to do it. After reading this list, I hope all of you have a better understanding of me and why I chose the "other side" of life. And I hope the questions about kids will be finished for it doesn't make me a bad person for not having them. And by the way...if you can't find at least SOME humor or open-mindedness in this list...then I hope your kids haven't taken away your ability to laugh! With love, peace, and balance...----Amy :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
A "New" Athlete
Oh, the life of a recovering injured person. Days of sometimes killer isolation, spent in rigorous physical therapy, with not much time for anything else. These are my days as of late. I am now pushing almost 3 weeks since my knee surgery, almost to the halfway point of life in my knee brace! Since I have to keep my leg straight while in the brace, this tends to present a lot of different dilemmas that many of us don't realize that we take for granted. Have you ever tried to go to the bathroom while having to keep your leg straight and elevated? Don't be surprised if you "have an accident" or two. I know...too much info...but it happens! :-) Also, trying to get yourself in and out of a car with a straight leg is quite a chore-and-a-half as well. Is there anyone out there that keeps their legs straight while on a leisurely drive to your destination? I didn't think so.
Aside from all of these new and sometimes daunting tasks that make up my day, I am beginning to embrace my new life as what I call a "normal person." (Marathon runners are crazy people...they're not normal. LOL!) After all that's happened to me, I still consider myself an athlete at heart, but I have begun to realize that the challenges I am now dealing with have forced me to stare into the face of a different path. When you have been as athletic and active as I have been most of my life, you tend to get pigeon-holed into a corner. It is a natural human tendency to place labels on people and to say that the "label" is who they are as a person, when in reality, that label has more in common with WHAT THEY DO. I guess the best example I can come up with at the moment would be Tiger Woods. Tiger is obviously known best for being one of the greatest golfers of all time. When an athlete gets to that level of play, they become superhuman in our eyes. They can do no wrong while we elevate them to a perfect, godly level, all the while telling our kids to idolize them as role models. Then the nation saw as Tiger's personal life unraveled in the media circus that it became. All of a sudden America was hit with the harsh reality that Tiger wasn't that perfect idol...that perfect golfer that we all knew. He was (dare we think it?)....human. We had pigeonholed him into that group of superhuman professional athletes that were somehow ABOVE the rest of us "common folk."
I say all that to say this...
All of my life people have pretty much known me as "the athlete," or "the runner," or (from the high school days) "that buff chick." I got the feeling that most people really didn't take much time to think outside the "athlete" box, so to speak. When I got injured after all the work that I had put in to get to the Boston Marathon, I got a lot of sympathy and pity looks, as well as questions of what I would now do with all my new-found "non-running" time! This would give me a good laugh. :-) Not many people knew this, but I never really LOVED running. Many people have a love/hate relationship when it comes to running. I LOVED racing, but I really didn't like all the training that had to precede it. I have mainly ran all these years for the simple reason that it is a great workout. Running and racing have a way of challenging you and testing your discipline on a higher plane, and there are not a lot of workouts that can say the same. I reached nearly every goal that I set for myself both in my marathoning and other athletic endeavors, and I can sleep well at night knowing that. When I started to tell people all of this, I realized it was beyond their comprehension. They couldn't fathom how someone could do something consistently for 20+ years that DIDN'T give them complete pleasure. All I can say is that sometimes you have to endure the hard stuff with the good stuff if you want to enjoy success at the "next level" of something.
As much as we would all like it to, success doesn't always come with an easy path.
In a way, the injuries I have faced have been good for me. See people have a tendency to pigeonhole themselves sometimes too. During my times of recovery and solitude I have learned who I am "beyond the athlete." I have found new interests, new talents that I realized were buried under my athletic build, like a flower budding its way out of the dirt in the new hope of springtime. And I am realizing that I can still be athletic when this injury is done with...just in a different way now. I am now entering a different phase of life. A period, like the springtime, that will shed new light on other kinds of success stories that I will be able to look back on and celebrate. That I can be thankful for.
Aside from all of these new and sometimes daunting tasks that make up my day, I am beginning to embrace my new life as what I call a "normal person." (Marathon runners are crazy people...they're not normal. LOL!) After all that's happened to me, I still consider myself an athlete at heart, but I have begun to realize that the challenges I am now dealing with have forced me to stare into the face of a different path. When you have been as athletic and active as I have been most of my life, you tend to get pigeon-holed into a corner. It is a natural human tendency to place labels on people and to say that the "label" is who they are as a person, when in reality, that label has more in common with WHAT THEY DO. I guess the best example I can come up with at the moment would be Tiger Woods. Tiger is obviously known best for being one of the greatest golfers of all time. When an athlete gets to that level of play, they become superhuman in our eyes. They can do no wrong while we elevate them to a perfect, godly level, all the while telling our kids to idolize them as role models. Then the nation saw as Tiger's personal life unraveled in the media circus that it became. All of a sudden America was hit with the harsh reality that Tiger wasn't that perfect idol...that perfect golfer that we all knew. He was (dare we think it?)....human. We had pigeonholed him into that group of superhuman professional athletes that were somehow ABOVE the rest of us "common folk."
I say all that to say this...
All of my life people have pretty much known me as "the athlete," or "the runner," or (from the high school days) "that buff chick." I got the feeling that most people really didn't take much time to think outside the "athlete" box, so to speak. When I got injured after all the work that I had put in to get to the Boston Marathon, I got a lot of sympathy and pity looks, as well as questions of what I would now do with all my new-found "non-running" time! This would give me a good laugh. :-) Not many people knew this, but I never really LOVED running. Many people have a love/hate relationship when it comes to running. I LOVED racing, but I really didn't like all the training that had to precede it. I have mainly ran all these years for the simple reason that it is a great workout. Running and racing have a way of challenging you and testing your discipline on a higher plane, and there are not a lot of workouts that can say the same. I reached nearly every goal that I set for myself both in my marathoning and other athletic endeavors, and I can sleep well at night knowing that. When I started to tell people all of this, I realized it was beyond their comprehension. They couldn't fathom how someone could do something consistently for 20+ years that DIDN'T give them complete pleasure. All I can say is that sometimes you have to endure the hard stuff with the good stuff if you want to enjoy success at the "next level" of something.
As much as we would all like it to, success doesn't always come with an easy path.
In a way, the injuries I have faced have been good for me. See people have a tendency to pigeonhole themselves sometimes too. During my times of recovery and solitude I have learned who I am "beyond the athlete." I have found new interests, new talents that I realized were buried under my athletic build, like a flower budding its way out of the dirt in the new hope of springtime. And I am realizing that I can still be athletic when this injury is done with...just in a different way now. I am now entering a different phase of life. A period, like the springtime, that will shed new light on other kinds of success stories that I will be able to look back on and celebrate. That I can be thankful for.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Who REALLY has it easier?
February 21, 2011
I haven't blogged in 13 days now. In every other writers' mind, that would be considered procrastination for sure! However, I am new to the writing world so I will call it prolonged writers block. :-) Anyways, I was reading an article today on Oprah.com about a woman going through what she called a "mid-wife crisis." And it got me thinking about the many transitional points that are significant in womens' lives.
It may just be me, but don't men seem to go through life as effortlessly as a bird gliding through the sky in flight? Hitting life's ups and downs with effortless confidence, and constantly taking their goals to the next level? Granted that's not all men, but the fact of the matter is even in 2011, it is still a man's world. And many men will tell you that women are the ones that have it easy. Au contraire, my male friends.
Aren't women the ones who are expected to "have it all?" We get to give birth to children, have our periods for approximately 30-35 years, go through about a decade of menopause and night sweats, raise the children we sometimes regrettably decided to bear, and oh I almost forgot...try to actually have the time to salvage a career identity through all of this, albeit still in a man's world! Men, in all their sometimes annoying simplicity, have to just go to work and try to do a good job. That is where nearly all of their identity is wrapped around. No men, I'm sorry to tell you the sad truth, but you are the ones who have it easy. I'm not saying that your job itself is easy. I'm simply pointing out that you are not expected to become "Super Perfecto Gal" at five endeavors at one time. I'm kind of glad that my entire identity is not wrapped around what I do for a living because unlike women, when men retire and realize their purpose in life is over...they want to kill themselves. LOL! Must be why us women live longer than they do.
Women definitely have the upper hand in terms of living full, well-rounded lives. But getting back to the mid-wife crisis, I think the expectations on women today are too much. This causes many women to become resentful later in life, whether it be toward their husbands, children, or even friends or co-workers. After all ladies, don't we just want to be appreciated and loved by those closest to us? When all is said and done though, we women are tough old birds. We may not all be worthy of the top of the corporate world from a male point of view, but we can certainly conquer anything that is thrown our way. We don't have the male ego weighing us down every day, holding us back from pursuing what we know to be morally right and worthy of changing the world for the better. Oh and for all the men ou there that think most women are nothing but gold-diggers, ask yourself this... Do you think your wife could do YOUR job better, given her outstanding multi-tasking and communication skills?
...Are men REALLY more talented than women in most jobs? Or are women still expected to focus their talents in traditional roles.....Since change is scary for most, I have a feeling this debate will go on for a long, LONG time. Peace!!
I haven't blogged in 13 days now. In every other writers' mind, that would be considered procrastination for sure! However, I am new to the writing world so I will call it prolonged writers block. :-) Anyways, I was reading an article today on Oprah.com about a woman going through what she called a "mid-wife crisis." And it got me thinking about the many transitional points that are significant in womens' lives.
It may just be me, but don't men seem to go through life as effortlessly as a bird gliding through the sky in flight? Hitting life's ups and downs with effortless confidence, and constantly taking their goals to the next level? Granted that's not all men, but the fact of the matter is even in 2011, it is still a man's world. And many men will tell you that women are the ones that have it easy. Au contraire, my male friends.
Aren't women the ones who are expected to "have it all?" We get to give birth to children, have our periods for approximately 30-35 years, go through about a decade of menopause and night sweats, raise the children we sometimes regrettably decided to bear, and oh I almost forgot...try to actually have the time to salvage a career identity through all of this, albeit still in a man's world! Men, in all their sometimes annoying simplicity, have to just go to work and try to do a good job. That is where nearly all of their identity is wrapped around. No men, I'm sorry to tell you the sad truth, but you are the ones who have it easy. I'm not saying that your job itself is easy. I'm simply pointing out that you are not expected to become "Super Perfecto Gal" at five endeavors at one time. I'm kind of glad that my entire identity is not wrapped around what I do for a living because unlike women, when men retire and realize their purpose in life is over...they want to kill themselves. LOL! Must be why us women live longer than they do.
Women definitely have the upper hand in terms of living full, well-rounded lives. But getting back to the mid-wife crisis, I think the expectations on women today are too much. This causes many women to become resentful later in life, whether it be toward their husbands, children, or even friends or co-workers. After all ladies, don't we just want to be appreciated and loved by those closest to us? When all is said and done though, we women are tough old birds. We may not all be worthy of the top of the corporate world from a male point of view, but we can certainly conquer anything that is thrown our way. We don't have the male ego weighing us down every day, holding us back from pursuing what we know to be morally right and worthy of changing the world for the better. Oh and for all the men ou there that think most women are nothing but gold-diggers, ask yourself this... Do you think your wife could do YOUR job better, given her outstanding multi-tasking and communication skills?
...Are men REALLY more talented than women in most jobs? Or are women still expected to focus their talents in traditional roles.....Since change is scary for most, I have a feeling this debate will go on for a long, LONG time. Peace!!
Oh...the city life!
February 8, 2011
I sometimes wonder if I was in Kansas for too long. In the short time that I've been back in St. Louis, I have somewhat felt like a nomad. Roaming the streets in no particular fashion. Braving the traffic elements. Finding my place amongst the madness. And all the while becoming more curious about the St. Louis populace.
After living in the stillness and everyday similarities of Kansas, it has become even more apparent to me now how diverse people really are in big metropolitan areas. I look back on my previous times here and don't know how I was able to overlook that. Around one corner you see a homeless person, briskly delving into a trash can to find that one bottle of Jack Daniels to claim happiness with. On the next block, you might find a spikey blue-haired gothic dude with earrings in every orifice but his ears.
Then there's my absolute favorite...the guy in my apartment complex that seems to love to crow like a rooster. Every single morning, like clockwork, I hear an echo in the distance of an animal that you would more typically find in Kansas, and not in the next apartment building over in the St. Louis area! Now for all I know it could be some kind of new type of alarm clock thing that I missed out on knowing about because I lived in Kansas for three and a half years. (Kansans are still about 25 years behind on any new technology or gadgets.) And the irony of it all, he/it crows continuously for about 20 minutes or so, long enough for someone to "hit snooze," if you will. In the meantime, I guess I'll keep going on about my day as if this is some normal occurance that I should just write off.
I've got to say, in Kansas, most people to me seemed a little "out there." Maybe it was just their slow pace with everything that killed my tolerance level. It took almost my entire tenure there, but I finally realized why THEY seem to value their slower tendencies. (The cows seem to love it too.) The city provides too much for them to think about and handle. They are simple people who would rather spend their time at the local cafe, talking about the latest weather reports over their java cup. City dwellers are used to the complexities, opportunities, and multi-tasking requirements of everyday life. (You have to be focused on five different directions while driving to make sure no one hits you on the highway!) Country people talk, walk, think, work, and drive SLOW. After all, what is there to rush around for...they have time on their side and their cup of coffee. With all the diversities of the city life though, I couldn't help but wonder...is it the "madness" of the city that makes some people go "mad in the head?" Or are the small-towners the "normal" ones?
I sometimes wonder if I was in Kansas for too long. In the short time that I've been back in St. Louis, I have somewhat felt like a nomad. Roaming the streets in no particular fashion. Braving the traffic elements. Finding my place amongst the madness. And all the while becoming more curious about the St. Louis populace.
After living in the stillness and everyday similarities of Kansas, it has become even more apparent to me now how diverse people really are in big metropolitan areas. I look back on my previous times here and don't know how I was able to overlook that. Around one corner you see a homeless person, briskly delving into a trash can to find that one bottle of Jack Daniels to claim happiness with. On the next block, you might find a spikey blue-haired gothic dude with earrings in every orifice but his ears.
Then there's my absolute favorite...the guy in my apartment complex that seems to love to crow like a rooster. Every single morning, like clockwork, I hear an echo in the distance of an animal that you would more typically find in Kansas, and not in the next apartment building over in the St. Louis area! Now for all I know it could be some kind of new type of alarm clock thing that I missed out on knowing about because I lived in Kansas for three and a half years. (Kansans are still about 25 years behind on any new technology or gadgets.) And the irony of it all, he/it crows continuously for about 20 minutes or so, long enough for someone to "hit snooze," if you will. In the meantime, I guess I'll keep going on about my day as if this is some normal occurance that I should just write off.
I've got to say, in Kansas, most people to me seemed a little "out there." Maybe it was just their slow pace with everything that killed my tolerance level. It took almost my entire tenure there, but I finally realized why THEY seem to value their slower tendencies. (The cows seem to love it too.) The city provides too much for them to think about and handle. They are simple people who would rather spend their time at the local cafe, talking about the latest weather reports over their java cup. City dwellers are used to the complexities, opportunities, and multi-tasking requirements of everyday life. (You have to be focused on five different directions while driving to make sure no one hits you on the highway!) Country people talk, walk, think, work, and drive SLOW. After all, what is there to rush around for...they have time on their side and their cup of coffee. With all the diversities of the city life though, I couldn't help but wonder...is it the "madness" of the city that makes some people go "mad in the head?" Or are the small-towners the "normal" ones?
Back in the STL!
February 5, 2011
I have survived my first week back in St. Louis, and I am happy to say that I'm still in one piece! Haha! I have come to the realization of how much I have changed since my last bout here. I never thought it would feel weird to come back to the city with everything you could possibly need or want sitting right there at your fingertips only a couple of miles away. Maybe I acclimated to Kansas more than I had perceived. The pace of the city seems much faster than last time after being in the turtle pace of Kansas life. Cars seem to drive faster and ride your a** more. People still pull the ever-present "not letting people merge onto the highway" stunt. In the grocery store, people run into me with their carts because apparently shopping at warp speed is the new norm! I used to be just like all of these folks, and now I am "the slow one!"
But the question is, have I actually slowed my pace down, or have I just learned over the past few years how to take the time to think? In Kansas I became accustomed to learning how to appreciate things and see things for how they really are. When you take all the "stuff" of the city away, it's amazing how clearly you can see things, and yourself, through the looking glass. People here are consumed by the things around them. Their identity has wrapped itself around their beautiful cars, fancy restaurants, night clubs, and stellar homes. Who are you when you take away all of those things? I don't think many people have a clue.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall and be able to watch some of these people hack it out in the sticks of Kansas where all you have are your family, your cup of coffee, and your front porch to reflect on. Not to mention an endless amount of cows to talk to and tip! In a land like Kansas, where status means absolutely nothing, St. Louisans would have a nervous breakdown. Their cell phones would drop calls, their laptops would be slow, and they would be forced to (God forbid) TALK to people face to face! Meanwhile crying into their Starbucks coffee mugs, like I did, and reflecting on how good they really have it in the city. :)
That's the thing about Kansas...It teaches you how spoiled you really have become. Thanks to my time in Kansas I've learned to appreciate what I DO have, and that I can still be a happy person without the things I don't. It's not what you have that matters, it's what you choose to do with the life you have.
I have survived my first week back in St. Louis, and I am happy to say that I'm still in one piece! Haha! I have come to the realization of how much I have changed since my last bout here. I never thought it would feel weird to come back to the city with everything you could possibly need or want sitting right there at your fingertips only a couple of miles away. Maybe I acclimated to Kansas more than I had perceived. The pace of the city seems much faster than last time after being in the turtle pace of Kansas life. Cars seem to drive faster and ride your a** more. People still pull the ever-present "not letting people merge onto the highway" stunt. In the grocery store, people run into me with their carts because apparently shopping at warp speed is the new norm! I used to be just like all of these folks, and now I am "the slow one!"
But the question is, have I actually slowed my pace down, or have I just learned over the past few years how to take the time to think? In Kansas I became accustomed to learning how to appreciate things and see things for how they really are. When you take all the "stuff" of the city away, it's amazing how clearly you can see things, and yourself, through the looking glass. People here are consumed by the things around them. Their identity has wrapped itself around their beautiful cars, fancy restaurants, night clubs, and stellar homes. Who are you when you take away all of those things? I don't think many people have a clue.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall and be able to watch some of these people hack it out in the sticks of Kansas where all you have are your family, your cup of coffee, and your front porch to reflect on. Not to mention an endless amount of cows to talk to and tip! In a land like Kansas, where status means absolutely nothing, St. Louisans would have a nervous breakdown. Their cell phones would drop calls, their laptops would be slow, and they would be forced to (God forbid) TALK to people face to face! Meanwhile crying into their Starbucks coffee mugs, like I did, and reflecting on how good they really have it in the city. :)
That's the thing about Kansas...It teaches you how spoiled you really have become. Thanks to my time in Kansas I've learned to appreciate what I DO have, and that I can still be a happy person without the things I don't. It's not what you have that matters, it's what you choose to do with the life you have.
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